A Confession

Had I known this 9 years ago, I might not have made that decision. But then again, judging the circumstances I was in, I doubt I would have made a different choice.

The choice of hiring a maid.

A few nights ago, as I laid in bed with him recounting about our day on how we could have made it better and what he and I could have done or not done, said or not said, he started to feel emotional. He wasn’t too pleased with himself for he felt that he could have chipped in more to help me, but his less sensitive daytime self wasn’t too keen on moving his butt. As the moon rose and night fell, his ultra-sensitivity also emerged while the self-reflection began to unroll and eventually pricked on his conscience. Honestly, I wasn’t at all unhappy with his help doses throughout the day. I was and am, on the contrary, rather satisfied with him when it comes to acknowledging my calls to chores like cleaning up, bringing out the trash, and clearing the table. In fact, he is always the only one who responds when I call his name (his brothers are catching up fast behind him due to his positive role-modelling).

He told me in between sobs why it was so difficult for him to clean up his room. He admitted he sincerely wanted to listen to me and to clean up, but his body was just too used to not having to do the cleaning up because the maids had always been there to do that. Even though I had insisted and made sure they tidied up what they took out or messed up in the last two years while we still had a maid, regardless, it seemed to have started a little too late. The even-if-I-didn’t-do-a-good-clean-up-job-I-still-have-someone-to-fall-back-on mentality has firmly taken its place in his mindset.

I was slightly taken aback by his confession… or excuse? I genuinely assumed we, as a family, had passed the transition period without a maid with flying colours, afterall, it has been nine months. I feel that, especially the children, are doing excellently taking care of themselves, being responsible for themselves and looking out for each other. If the confession was truthful, I am not too worried. The progress we make is remarkable, in my opinion, and we only have to keep up the good work. But if what he revealed was a mere excuse for being lazy, then it is something I have to think a little more about… are my demands too tall? Am I giving him enough space and time to be a child? Is he testing me? Is the laziness a result of my pushing too much and a sign of rebel?

Looks like I have more to ponder, not just a little…