12 Years

"I hope you will feel well soon, I am not feeling well when I see you feel so bad. I hope you have no bad stomach soon. I don't know how to say this but it pains me when you are not well." - Christophe to me on 10/13/2010 9:32:48 PM

We sealed our love for each other on this day 12 years ago. Then we wouldn't have predicted that we were going to end up with four children, four boys, to be exact. Perhaps 2 or 3, but 4?

We have gone through several thicks and thins, highs and lows, good times and bad. We endured an extended period of marital woes and financial crisis, facing insurmountable stress and sorrows, tears and broken hearts, stumbles after stumbles. The arguments were fierce and cruel, but they were nothing compared to those cold wars which tormented the soul to a limb, weak breath, like the last dying breath.

We questioned ourselves umpteen times, if this pledge of love we made on this day in 1998, was going to fall apart at the next fight. Why? I asked uncountably. What had caused our love to sour? What happened to our promises to never leave each other? Feeling bruised and punctured, heartaches and emptiness, it wasn't hard for one to think of giving up.

I am glad we didn't. I am glad I didn't. From hindsight, those hard times were meant to be. Each stumbling block was strategically timed and placed through this journey of our love. Each had a reason. Each provided a lesson. When it was thought that one lesson wasn't enough, a second one would follow, until we had understood it, until I had understood the point, the purpose of the stumble perfectly. Through these lessons, the pains were too indescribable, so bad that when I look through the photographs of those times, it still pains my heart. However, I believe the pain is necessary to constantly remind me that we have walked a long way, a long long way. Pain aside, the gains were aplenty and damn worthwhile.

Because. Without you, I wouldn't have become the woman I am today.

These 12 years hadn't been easy. These 12 years took away 12 years of my youth. But these 12 years would still be my choice of 12 years to spend with you, even if I had to go through it again, as long as I know we are together.

Because. These 12 years had been the greatest gift of my life.

The journey continues. Roadblocks and barriers ahead. With those lessons learnt and some wisdom gained, we will conquer them like we had, like we always had.

Happy anniversary, my love! I love you.