LOL

This is a draft that did not get published on 23rd May 2011, when I was still enjoying the ups of Christophe's business trip. Too bad now I can't feel the joy I was feeling at the time of writing. I don't intend to complete it, not because I don't want to, but because I can't reproduce my happiness of that time. Nonetheless, I thought this wonderful half-written post shouldn't go unnoticed, since it did capture the essence of how I felt then.

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"Mummy, you are laughing more nowadays," observed Bart (and a day later, Enzian) as I cackled over another of their mischievous tricks.

I am. Even I noticed that myself. It's a little hard to believe that I am really laughing more. I am so militaristic with them for so long that I had forgotten to laugh. It is such a shame. A pity. It's become an undesirable habit. When I finally let up a little, I have to admit it felt weird at first to be laughing at their silly jokes, their nonsensical slow-motion pretend fighting game, their harmless argument over trivial matters. At the same time, I also have to honestly say that laughing with them can be so much fun, relaxing and spiritually uplifting.

I can't quite track back when I had slowly developed into the stern, long-faced mother. Humourless. Boring. Deadpan. I had thought that raising them with a strong stance of authority and top-down approach would command the kind of respect one would expect from a child for his parents. After LOL with them, I began questioning my flawed parenting style. I discover bringing myself down to their level once in a while actually injects life and love to the entire mood in the family, that it does not necessarily mean giving up the authority and respect I try to force out of them all the time. Why am I so slow in getting it? Think I am not very smart.

LOL is not just Laughing Out Loud. It is also Lots Of Love.