The Final Straw Challenge

I wake up every morning, starting my day like an empty glass.  Most days, at least.  The glass is empty, even filled, it is not up to the brim.  This glass is different.  This glass is special.  Contrary to all other glasses, this glass is not yearning to be filled.  In the idealistic world, this glass wants to always be empty.

Now, four boys enter the scene.  Each carries with them a bottle of water (or juice).  The water does not help quench their thirst.  In fact, the water is not for their consumption.  Like it or not, they have a tendency to fill up and re-fill my glass.  Occasionally, they also drink from the glass.  There isn't a glass for every one, they all share the same glass.

Most days, my glass is filled up drop by drop.  Some days, it fills up like running water.  Some days, they drink from it.  Some days, it is filled up to the brim.  And on particular days, it spills over.

My glass spilled over last Thursday and Friday.  That could explain why I was served like a queen on the weekend.  We could also look at it from a different angle, that they are drinking from it, lapping from it.

I use this to illustrate my point to the boys.  I remind them the water level of my glass.  I notify them, "you are filling up my glass right now" and they would quickly stop what they are doing.  I also tell them, "(name), you just drank from my glass!", followed by a hug and you could see his eyes instantly lit up to a proud, bright smile.  I warn them when my glass is getting full.

I went on to explain to them the meaning of the final straw.  Because most times, they couldn't comprehend how and why their mother could fly in rage over such a small matter, for instance, not taking their soiled laundry to the wash area.  It is always like, what is wrong with our mother?!  It isn't that I have committed such a big crime, is it?

I showed them how the glass can't hold even the last drop of water and resulted in spillage, then translated that to how my tolerance has been reached (filled to the brim) and the next one to add the final drop would encounter an explosion (spillage).

Their question is, "how do we help to keep the glass empty?"  I told them, it is so easy though it might take some efforts until they have formed the habit.  The fundamental rule is to be responsible for themselves.  Things like waking up on time, making up their beds, keeping their rooms clean and tidy, wiping the table after food, doing their homework and doing them properly, observe bedtime routine, etc. are all their basic duties.  When these are done with minimal reminders, they can be assured the glass be kept empty.

They also asked, "what can we do to reduce the water level if we 'accidentally' filled up the glass?"  I asked them back the same question, "ehm... do things to make you happy, like washing the toilets?" was the answer I got back.  I said, on school days, they are not expected to do more than outside of their own responsibilities.  If they were to just do that, my glass would be always empty.  I let them know that I would be neutral as long as my glass doesn't reach more than the half-mark.  On weekends, they have added responsibilities and these responsibilities are accelerators to emptying the glass when done properly.  Tasks like vacuuming and dusting their rooms, washing their toilets are added mandatory responsibilities.  

The boys suddenly get it after I give them the analogy between my getting angry and the glass.  So the guide for them is:

• Empty glass means mommy is happy.
• Half means mommy is not angry, but she is not happy either.
• Full means mommy is angry, stop our nonsense immediately.

After making sure they all understood this, I thought some incentives to help them keep the glass half-filled/full or empty would inject more enthusiasm and motivation in their process of learning to be responsible persons.  So we drew up the terms and conditions of The Final Straw Challenge.

• This is a weekly challenge.  There is no carrying forward of points.
• 1 point is awarded for a glass that is filled up to less than the half mark.
• 0 point is awarded for a glass that is at half mark.
• -1 point is dishonoured for a glass that is full.
• Maximum points in a week is 7.
• The daily announcement of point award is right before bedtime, after all bedtime routines are carried out.
• Two 0s achieved over two nights in a row constitutes one 1.
• 5 points qualify them for a playdate the following week.
• 6 points earn each of them X euros.
• 7 points they get to decide what games they want their parents to play with them (Wii, football, board games and the like).

They came up with the 6 and 7 points incentive, and I thought why not.  If it comes from them, it means they would be more convicted to keeping the water level of the glass low.

I am not sure if this challenge will take me to my idealistic world.  But I know for sure, that it will take me one step closer.  That is what I am working for.  

After two weeks of rain, I finally see the rainbow.