Why Thick is Thicker than Thin

"Why didn't you inform me earlier?"  
"Why didn't you call?"

The minute I learned about it, I called.  But this was the responses from two different people, one after another, in less than 20 minutes.  I am not the best in suffering such treatments in silence.  Because I had been, particularly from one of them and I had enough.  That was the last straw.  Because I cannot say, "Du hast recht und ich meine ruhe."  I lashed out.

"You can't expect me to know everything! I am learning, and I need time to learn this.  Give me the patience.  The moment I know it, I called.  You can't expect me to know this!!"

For god's sake, this is only my second winter, you don't have to jump at me that way.  Don't want shit thrown back at you?  Don't do it in the first place.

"I want my peace, you don't need to come down with me."

Fine, I was only feeling obliged.  Thanks for freeing my obligations.

"It seemed a connection had been pulled out from the computer."

I am the only one accessing the room.  Guess what that statement is trying to imply.

"I will not discuss this now with you, I have a lot of stress myself and now more because I know you screwed up there.  And all because you are feeling too insecure and think everybody is tracking you."

I think everyone is tracking me?  Who is tracking me?  I?  Insecure?  Why the f*** should I feel insecure?  I have done ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong here, I have nothing and no one to be afraid of.

"You should just say later sorry for what YOU did. That is all there is left to do here, and try to pick up the pieces of the plates you just broke."

Yes, despite all this, I admit it was wrong to have raised my voice.  And I will apologise for it.  But nothing else.  Everything else, I have done right.  Therefore, there are no broken pieces to pick up.

"It is not about knowing things (even you have been pretty ignorant about your environment for things you don't want to know), but it is about how you handle things. But of course keep blaming others to expect things from you."

Just look at the mirror, if you still don't get it, scroll all the way up to the first 2 lines of this post.  And start to wonder why I feel the way I felt.

"I really don't know what to say since you can't see how wrong you are."

Yes, of course I am wrong.  And there is absolutely no cause for my outburst.  I am always wrong anyway, so this time there is no exception too.

"I am sorry I raised my voice at you and thank.... (you for coming)."

Door closed before all my words could be heard.

"You are just too busy feeling sorry for yourself. All I hear about is how this is for you. But the fact is everybody keeps helping you and never says a word."

I am utterly appalled to even read this.  Everyone helps ME.  ME is the one.  Why would you think they are helping ME?  Could it be because YOU are not here for long periods of time?  And these offsprings are half YOURS?  The only one who benefits is of course, ME.  It would be ridiculous and totally unfair to say that they are helping YOU.

"She was the only one who could and did respond to your cry for help, and got a nice bang from you.  That is extremely unfair in my opinion, but you fail to see all that."

I did not cry for help.  We would still survive, with discomfort.  I merely informed because I have the common sense to know that this is important and cannot wait to inform you only when you are back.  Who knows what kinds of outcries far worse than this would happen because something in the house is not working and I fail to inform.  To just be informing there and then, I had already received such nice "pats on my shoulders", I cannot imagine what "further rewards" if I waited.  No one has the right to react that way they reacted to me.  So, yes, you are right, I can't see all that.

Next day, service man came.  Worked from 10am-4pm.  I must have pulled out several more things, since  putting the connection back to the computer took so long and, oh, I must have also opened up the whole damn thing to damage a few parts, since the man had to replace several parts too.

The man told me, it has not been serviced for a long time.  I closed my case.

Yet another day.

"Did you not see my message?"

No, not yet.  Because, unlike your misconception, I have to do housework, cook, manage the children and pick Johann up at the very hour you sent that message.  I will try to be on your standby, I think that is your expectation of me since...

Nothing beats this,

"I work so hard for this family while others have a good life and celebrate."