A Parenting Lesson

I see my children spend a lot of time together.

They build cool cars and aeroplanes with Lego, they construct their mini houses with cardboards and furniture, they pull out arts and crafts materials to create things they don't get to play in real life.  The other day, Johann dug out a piece of folded paper that was colored and taped from his pocket. He said Enzian made a lighter for him, so he could also play with a lighter, which obviously, he isn't allowed in reality.  I find that so sweet and thoughtful of his older brother.

The twins are so passionate about cars and super cars, they spend a significant amount of time drawing them in their room.  They dream about buying Lamborghinis, Ferraris, Maseratis and Porsches, and even fantasize about buying them for me.  How cute!  I told them they can save the money cos I won't drive it since my palms start to sweat when the speed reaches 160kmh.  They look at me like I don't know what I am talking.  Bleh!

They also love reading comics, and so it was not a surprise when I see sheets of A4 papers filled with their versions of comic strips.  They stick notices all over their bedroom doors, notifying, warning and even threatening each other unauthorized entry to their rooms will be badly dealt with.  I burst out laughing when I read them.  They can be so adorable!

They also stick their drawings all over the walls near their beds so they could always admire their artworks.  They enjoy each other's company so much that when it comes to tidying up, they can always easily influence each other with the toys they have to put away and start to play, instead of completing their original task.  

Recently, we moved Bart to his own room so he finally gets his private space.  The next few days, I see the twins moving their furniture around in their room, even taking plants from the guest room, just so they feel "more at home".  My first mental reaction was to tell them to move everything back to its original position.  But on second thoughts, I asked myself why I wanted to deprive them the joy of some levels of freedom in their room, which they spend their most time in, and why I should let them play around with where and how they want to place their beds and cupboards.  Am I not helping them to create a sense of ownership and a sense of higher independence? They discussed and shifted things here and there a few times throughout a couple of days, trying to perfect the flow, practicality and comfort in their own room.  Though I wasn't physically with them while they did all these, I was acutely aware they were heavily engaged in many extremely constructive discussions, leading them to decide the final positions of each piece of furniture.  

The entire exercise yielded so many benefits, I am so glad I took a step back and gave them the liberty to do so.  I see a whole lot more cooperation and mutual respect from them.  I see their satisfied faces filled with pride, pride of being able to make decisions for themselves and be respected, not overruled.  

I became a parent because of love.

But I become a better parent because of these products of love.

Thank you for the lesson, my sweet boys.

On a different note, it's a warm fuzzy feeling knowing that, some day in the future, they will recount their childhood memories with much fondness, just like my sisters and I do nowadays.