我不哭了。

是时候站起来了。

Facing it upfront can bring lots of discomfort and uncertainty, I had my insecurities, I faced it anyway. It was emotional. Tensed, when sensitive topics were brought up and discussed, negotiated. Relieved, when misunderstandings began to clear up. Hurt, when understanding could not be reached between us. Hopeful, when explanations are heard from and accepted by both parties.

Welcome to puberty part 2. Just when I thought we were doing ok with raising teenagers, I was slapped with a big bump, a bump big enough to cause me to wake up with a stab in my heart for 4 continuous days, enough to bring me down in sobs when I am alone, enough to cause my eyes to tear up just thinking about it, enough to reduce my conversations with the other unaffected children to the minimum, enough to push me over my top with just an innocent giggle.

I was never uncertain about my parenting skills until last Tuesday. Well, I was made to doubt my parenting skills almost 2 years ago, when this happened. I, as the mother, learnt a great big deal out of the whole episode, I was thankful for the lesson. I guess whatever I had learnt from that lesson has reached its saturation and it was time for me to face new ones. Today, just 2 weeks shy of 2 years later, I can feel gratitude again. Grateful that I got smacked in the face (on hindsight), a painful knock on my head before realizing that, hey! Stop thinking that naively that you are such a great know-it-all parent, because you know what!? You aren't! No, I'm not that great after all. But I know I do what I know best. Always. It might not be right, but my intentions are always stemmed from a motherly's love. That's what counts. No, not exactly. Some things I do have side effects, and I believe my god loves me enough to guide me back to the right path. Ouch, god! But thank you!

我站起来了！