My Son, My Guiding Light - Bart

The intellectual-looking Bart with his mouth filled with grapes, taken in Pepe and Meme's house last Sunday.

Ever since Enzian and Ludwig's arrival 8 years ago, I haven't been able to properly spend individual time with you. When I was finally able to settle down nicely with the three of you, giving each of you my time, be it telling you made-up stories or reading storybooks to you, I became pregnant with Johann.

Being the eldest of your brothers and being more matured than your real age of 10 have caused people around you, I included, to expect more responsibilities and independence from you. Your taller-than-your-peers height of 154cm makes it even more difficult for us to shake away the halo effect.

The good-looking Bart, his charms I overlook too many times.

I am so consoled that your Meme treats you like a child, the way how a child is supposed to be treated. The expectations that others have of you is completely transparent to her. It is a good thing. A very good thing indeed. When I see how she allows you to just be a child, how amused she is by your jokes, how so attentively she listens to whatever you say, in other words, how important you are to her and how she makes you feel important again, I see the internal glow of happiness on your face, I see the sparkle in your eyes, I see the free spirit of your innocence surfacing out of your perceived grown-up self.

I feel so ashamed of myself why, as your mother, I am not enjoying you the way she does.

Because, apart from a few flaws (which everyone of us does anyway), you are in reality truly enchanting. Absolutely lovable. Watching from afar, I can see how much she adores you, how much she places her interest on you, how very much she loves you.

I feel apologetic towards you, I do. At times, you would complain that I am unfair, spending more time and attention towards your younger brothers than on you, expecting you to stand on your own feet while they could still lean on me. Worse, shrugging you off when you politely ask if I could now spend some time with you, because housework and having the remaining time for myself take precedence over you.

How would the whole scenario be, regardless of your age, if you were the youngest of the family? This will be the food for my thought for the week.